Current mood:	guilty
Current music:	Mortal Struggle (Special Extended Edition) by Cute Rabbit Eb

Ebony Emergency
Ebony was weak and shaking, so we called the emergency clinic. By sheer f*cking luck, we managed to get the guy who knows about rabbits. She's majorly dehydrated, and has a blockage. A blockage from eating the f*cking cardboard I put in her cage to protect her feet. Because of the dehydration, she was hypothermic and going into shock. The vet gave her some painkillers, a bunch of fluids, and some antibiotics. She's staying at the clinic under a heat lamp. With luck, she'll recover, although it might only be enough to get her into surgery. They can't do surgery yet, because her body temperature's too low, so the anesthetics, which would drop it lower, would be too dangerous. Last minute, too, since she probably would have died overnight otherwise.

Naturally, I blame myself. I go through what-ifs and should-haves.

I should have watched her more carefully.
I should have spent more time with her.
I should have taken the cardboard out.
What if I had done better?
What if I wasn't such a horrible caretaker?
What if I wasn't a goddamn idiot?

And of course, the biggie...

What if she doesn't make it? We would only have had two years, then. I would only have memories of her love and warmth. I would only have goodbye, when I scratched her between the ears the way she likes before letting the vet have her.

What if she does make it? What do you mean, if? Of course she'll make it.

Unless she doesn't.

God damn my pessimism. Now I see why optimists are optimists. Because being a pessimist f*cking sucks.

Her empty cage is one of the saddest sights I've ever seen.

-SBB